Hello, hello, hello, welcome to walnut and crescent, my name is Leland!
...And I want to take this opportunity to speak to you about the despicable way the general public have been treating our politicians. We must be fair and say that not all politicians are cut out from the same cloth. Now, take my great-granddaughter, Fiona, for instance. She has been running for political office ever since she acquired a painful rash on her bottom from a diaper made by a corrupt and thoroughly dishonest manufacturer of baby goods. She vowed that such injuries will never appear on her watch, And this is where you people come in.
I have known Fiona her whole life and I can speak from personal experience that she is intelligent to a fault, extremely personable, and a damn good fellow, Her great ambition is to be your United States Senator and as you can see, just by looking at her, that she will never take a dishonest penny that she has not earned, nor will she ever think of telling a lie (unless it's just about little things), nor take sides in any legislation brought before her without due process of information supplied by local money lenders of the same faith . She is kind, even to the little people she hates.
Despite her good looks and youth (she is wise beyond her years), she has no guile, a rare attribute for a person seeking higher office. All she wants is a chance to do good for all the people of this great state, and to be kept warm and dry and duly fed by her mother at the appropriate times. So please vote for Fiona when 2045 rolls around as I am sure she is, by far, the best candidate for the job.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
P.S. She has not endorse this message.
