Lover's Leap

                                  

                                                      Lover’s Leap

 

      There is a town somewhere in the state of Kansas called Falling Rock, population 36,000, that is known for a notorious geographical feature.  This notorious geographical feature happens to be a small mountain with a rocky outcrop and a flat edge at its apex.  The area of the outcrop is widely known as Lover’s Leap.  It is not certain whether any couples or individuals have ever leaped from this point, and if they had, whether their reasons for leaping to their deaths were due to a lack of love, or too much of it.  This we do know, the descent from the summit to the base of the cliff measures some 1,300 feet.  Survival is unlikely at such a height.

       Human bones have been discovered at the base of this cliff by an art professor named Elbert Ebinhoffer.  He was rummaging around the base for materials to be used in a still life drawing class he was teaching at Falling Rock Teachers College for the coming spring semester.  He does not know whether these bones are human or animal, or old or fresh. Prof. Elbert does not have a degree in forensic pathology.

       In case anyone is interested, the town of Falling Rock is advertising for volunteers to jump from this point, which has a lovely view and has its base located just a few yards off the steps of City Hall.  This small township is in financial straits, among other things, and is in desperate need for a tourist attraction.  People interested please contact the Falling Rock City Hall, 864–369-8646.  Couples preferred but not essential.  A spring board is being constructed at the summit, as is a large platform.  There will also be seating enough for 500 paying tourists and room for 300 standing to observe the event.  Also a ski lift is in the works. But, unfortunately for now, participants and guests will have to walk to the summit.  It will be advertise as a healthy cardiovascular experience.

      It was suggested last spring at the city council meeting that having people, especially couples who are seniors, jumping off a cliff, might not be such a good idea. In essence, it may open the door to multifarious lawsuits by relatives and bad publicity for the township. Instead a proposal was put forth that, to improve the tourist trade, they excavate a hole in the middle of town.  The hole would be sixty yards wide and thirty yards deep and it would serve as a tourist attraction. The proposal was given by Prof. Elbert, the same man who discovered the bones. The city fathers, noting that the person was a school teacher, considered his proposal ridiculous.

       However, the neighboring town of Potwin, population of 420, gave a hearing to Prof. Elbert's idea and, not knowing that the person suggesting it was a school teacher, thought it was a brilliant idea and proceeded to dig this large hole in the center of their community.  And, also following another suggestion by Prof. Elbert, they added a feature: they sculpted a relief of Michelangelo’s “The Last Judgement” on the floor of the crater.  Tourists standing on the rim of the excavation and looking straight down, stated that the sight was breathtaking to say the least.

        At present, Potwin has increased their tourist trade ten fold and people are coming from all parts of the world, some as far away as Tibet, to marvel at this gigantic perforation right in the middle of town with the “Last Judgement” at its floor.  Many are staying for an extended duration, thereby, increasing the prosperity of the local hostelries and the local merchants.  The crater has created a major tourist industry in this small town of Potwin.

         Falling Rock became livid when they heard of their neighbor's good fortune.  Their advertisement, for couples to publically declare their true love to each other and leap from Lover’s Leap, did not bear fruit because no one, as of this moment, has applied.  There were hardly any tourists in Falling Rock to speak of during the peak of tourist season.  The main streets were nearly empty.  The townspeople have put the blame squarely on the short sighted city officials who did not take up Prof. Ebbert’s suggestion just because he was a school teacher.  Local merchants are said to have organized and collectively collected down pillows and hot tar in preparation for the next city council meeting which is schedule to take place very soon.