The Triumph of Trump

                           (An intimate interview with Senator Bushton)

          We’re trying to get hold of Sen. Bushton who just left the Towers, where he has been conferring with the newly elected president of these United States of America.  Rumor has it that Senator Bushton is being considered for a cabinet post.  I think I see him now getting out of the chauffeured limousine with the newly elected president’s logo on the door.  I’m pushing through the crowd now and…. Senator, Senator, can we have a moment?

              AH.  MY FAVORITE REPORTER.  YES YOU MAY.  HOW CAN I BE OF

SERVICE?  LET’S STEP INSIDE THIS PHONEBOOTH AWAY FROM THOSE ANNOYING  PBS AND CNN REPORTERS AND WE CAN HAVE OUR PRIVATE CHAT.

          Thank you….As you know, the result of the presidential election was a shocker…I mean a REAL shocker to the majority of the people.  How do you account for him being elected when all the polls show Hillary winning by a landslide?

           I BELIEVE TRUMP WAS AS SHOCKED AS ANYBODY…BUT YOU CAN’T CLAIM ELECTION FRAUD.  TECHNICALLY, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE TO RIG THE ELECTION.  NO, WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS THAT MANY LIBERAL WHITES HAD HIDDEN PREDJUDICES THAT CAME OUT WHEN THEY CAST THEIR BALLOTS.   THEIR THINKING WAS, “HE’S GONNA LOSE ANYWAY SO WHY NOT EXPRESS MY TRUE FEELINGS”.  IF TRUMP CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME, AND YOU COMBINE THAT WITH THAT WHITE-LIBERAL-WITH-HIDDEN-AGENDA VOTE, YOU WILL FIND HE’S IN.  YOU CANNOT UNVOTE, AS FAR AS I KNOW.

           Tragically, you may be right. I see you are getting the full treatment from him with that limo and chauffeur.  Rumor has it that you are being considered for a post in the new administration.  Is that true…and if it is…what cabinet post are we talking about?

          YES, I AM BEING CONSIDERED FOR A CABINET POST…SECRETARY OF DEFENSE OR SOMETHING, OR OTHER.

          My next question is: how can you be considered for a cabinet post, especially when you did nothing to help, while others who did and were more deserving, were jettison after the election?

          AS OF THIS MOMENT, EVERYTHING I AM TELLING YOU IS OFF THE RECORD.  CLEAR?  I’M GIVING YOU AN INSIGHT BECAUSE I LIKE YOU AND YOU CAN DIG UP THE DETAILS LATER, BUT RIGHT NOW, EVERYTING I SAY DOES NOT BEAR MY NAME, AGREE? 

          Definitely.  I value your leaks and nothing you say will be in print.  So getting back to the question: why were those people dumped?

          HE DOESN’T NEED THOSE PEOPLE ANYMORE.  THEY DID THEIR PART AND TRUMP DOESN’T LIKE PEOPLE WHO FEEL THAT SOMETHING IS OWED THEM.  BY APPOINTING PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO DID NOTHING FOR HIM…NOW, I OWE SOMETHING TO HIM.  CLEVER, HEY?  BESIDES, HE CAN HARDLY  TOLERATE STRONGER PERSONALITIES THAN HIMSELF SITTING AROUND THE TABLE.  ACTUALLY, HE DOESN’T NEED CABINET MEMBERS.  ALL HE REALLY NEED ARE MIRRORS SITUATED IN THE EMPTY CHAIRS FACING IN HIS DIRECTION.  I THOUGH THAT WOULD BE OBVIOUS.  

          No…but why you, and why Defense?   According to the records, you have absolutely no experience in Military matters at all.

          I DON’T KNOW.  I GUESS IT’S BECAUSE ALL GOVERNMENTAL AGENCIES ARE HUGE ORGANISMS THAT CAN EXIST WITHOUT A HEAD FOR YEARS.  SO THE HEAD OF AN AGENCY, WITH NO EXPERIENCE, SHOULDN’T AFFECT THE COURSE IT TAKES, SHOULD IT?  TRUMP SETS THE POLICY AND THE ORGANISM WILL SLOWLY GO TOWARD THAT DIRECTION OR NOT.  NO TELLING WHAT WILL ACTUALLY HAPPEN.  BUT I AM THERE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE THAT IE SOMETHING GOES WRONG, HE WILL HAVE SOMEONE TO BLAME.  MY PERK IS THAT I WILL HAVE A HAND IN AWARDING CONTRACTS.

         Are you talking about corruption in office and you haven’t even been appointed yet?

          THERE IS CORRUPTION EVERYWHERE.  ESPECIALLY IN THIS NEW ADMINISTRATION.  TRUMP PERSONIFIES CORRUPTION.  AREN’T YOU AWARE OF HIS TRACK RECORD?  HERE’S A MAN WHO WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THAT EXTRA DOLLAR, HONEST OR OTHERWISE.  I ASSURE YOU, THERE WILL BE BIG TIME CORRUPTION, SO WHY NOT BE A PART OF IT AND BE RICH?  HE WAS NEVER PART OF THE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW.  HE HASN’T A CLUE ON HOW THEY LIVE OR WHAT THEY DO IN THEIR SPARE TIME.  HE LIVES HIGH UP THERE IN A GOLDEN TOWER… AND LOOKS DOWN.  HE DOESN’T MINGLE WITH ANYBODY…EXCEPT RICH FOLK…LIKE I’M GONNA BE.  AND IN MANY WAYS, HE’S LIKE PUTIN, CLEVER AND RUTHLESS.  THEY BOTH PAY NO TAXES, YOU KNOW.

          That is terrible.  I can’t believe a United States Senator can even think that way, let alone speak it.  I never thought you would be corrupt. I am sadden and very disappointed at you, Senator.

         AND WELL YOU SHOULD BE…BUT THAT DOESN’T CHANGE REALITY. 

          I guess you’re right…. If it be true, and that you MAY be appointed to a cabinet post, what do you think will be the foreign policies of the new president-elect?

         YOU HAVE TROUBLE SAYING HIS NAME, DON’T YOU?  I NOTICED YOU HAVEN’T MENTIONED HIS NAME AT ALL.  NOT ONCE.  YOU THINK YOU MIGHT CHOKE ON IT?  BUT DON’T FRET.  MANY DO.  ESPECIALLY THOSE IN HIS OWN REPUBLICAN PARTY.

         AS I SEE IT, WE HAVE MANY ENEMIES IN THIS WORLD AND WE NEED A NASTY DOG TO EAT ANOTHER NASTY DOG.  TRUMP (I DON’T HAVE ANY TROUBLE SAYING HIS NAME AT ALL) COULD JUST BE OUR NASTY DOG.  THE LATEST RUMOR IS THAT PUTIN THINKS TRUMP IS A EUNUCH AND COULD EASILY BE MANIPULATED, ALTHOUGH, HISTORICALLY, SOME OF OUR MOST CLEVER, AND POLITICALLY WISE PEOPLE WERE EUNUCHS.  HE DEFINITELY WANTED TRUMP TO BE PRESIDENT.  IT’S LIKE HAVING HIS OWN MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE.  I DON’T DOUBT THAT PUTIN IS FRIENDLY TO TRUMP AND VICE-VERSA…AND FOR A GOOD REASON.  THEY’RE VERY MUCH ALIKE.

          Do you believe that there will be more trouble ahead with Russia and ISIS because of the election?  Is there a danger of atomic warfare?

          OF COURSE THERE WILL BE ATOMIC WARFARE!  IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE SO, YOU ARE LIVING IN A FOOL’S PARADISE.  PEOPLE THOUGHT THE ELECTION WAS ABOUT JOBS, MIGRATION AND TERRORISM, PEOPLE WHO ELECTED TRUMP CERTAINLY THOUGHT SO.  NO, MY FRIEND, WHAT THEY GOT IS A MAN WHO ISN’T AFRAID TO USE THE BOMB.  HILLARY WARMED THEM, BUT THEY WEREN’T LISTENING.  BUT THEY WILL WHEN CITIES LIKE OMAHA, BUTTE, AND DENVER DISAPPEARS IN A BLINDING FLASH.  THAT’S WHERE MOST OF THE SILOS ARE…BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION… THE TROUBLE IS NOT WITH THIS PIDDLING LITTLE PIPSQUEAK OF AN ISIS WHO COULD HARDLY STAND UP TO JUST ONE DIVISION OF THE U.S. ARMY, NOR RUSSIA, WHO CAN’T EVEN PASS THE G.N.P. OF CALIFORNIA.  PUTIN MAY BE A DICTATOR BUT HE’S CERTAINLY NOT CRAZY.  CRAZY LIKE A FOX, MAYBE.  COME ON, NOW. WHO IS OUR REAL THREAT?  WHO CAN SHUT DOWN WALMART IN A MONTH?  WHO SUPPLIES OUR STEEL, OUR CLOTHES, OUR AUTO PARTS, AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, RARE MINERALS TO MAKE SOPHISTICATED WEAPONS?  WHO JUST CAME OUT WITH A SUPER FIGHTER JET THAT PUTS OURS TO SHAME?  WHO COULD RAISE AN ARMY TO MATCH ALL THE ARMIES PUT TOGETHER?  AND HAVE NO COMPUNCTION TO SACRIFICING TWO THIRDS OF THEIR POPULATION, AS THEY DID MANY TIMES IN HISTORY, TO WAR AND STARVATION, AND END UP WITH THE SAME POPULATION AS OURS? 

         Are you saying that Putin and our newly elected-president is gearing up to confront China?

          WHAT DO YOU THINK?  HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHY TRUMP AND PUTIN IS SO COZY?  WHO HAS A COMMON LAND MASS WHERE ARMIES CAN TRAVEL ON FOOT WITHOUT TOUCHING WATER?  I STATED WAY BACK IN ONE OF OUR INTERVIEWS THAT THE NEXT WAR WILL BE  RUSSIA, WITH THE AIDE OF THE U.S., SET AGAINST THE SLEEPING GIANT THAT IS NO LONGER ASLEEP.  ALL THESE SIDE SHOWS, TO FIGHT A FEW SHOP WORN TERRORIST WHOSE ONLY THREAT IS KILLING AS MANY INNOCENT PEOPLE AS TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS IN THE STATE OF MAINE, IS WHAT IT REALLY IS…SIDE SHOWS. THE CENTER STAGE IS: WEAPON TESTING, REINSTITUTING THE DRAFT,  ENERGY INDEPENDENCE, BY OPENING THE COAL MINES,  GETTING INDUSTRIES BACK WITHIN OUR BORDERS (WE CAN’T EVEN MAKE OUR OWN UNIFORMS PRESENTLY, LET ALONE WEAPONS), PREPARING THE PEOPLE FOR THE REAL STRUGGLE THAT LIES AHEAD.  THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT ATOMIC WAR IS NOT ONLY FESIBLE, BUT VERY LIKELY…WITH DONALD AT THE HELM.  HE DOESN’T BLUFF.  OF COURSE, IT HELPS NOT EVER SEEING PEOPLE KILLED; HIS ONLY CONNECTION WITH BLOOD IS WHAT GUSHES OUT FROM HIS STEAK WHEN HE CUTS IT.   YOU NEED A COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF LIKE THAT, WHO WOULDN’T HESITATE, WHILE DEEP IN HIS BUNKER, TO SACRIFACE MILLIONS OF LIVES TO MAKE AMERICA REALLY GREAT AGAIN….  

         My god…aren’t you worried at all?  How can you be so calm when you state that atomic war is inevitable?  I cannot believe that the newly-elected president would wipe out cities and kill millions just to make America, “great again”? 

         I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I’M IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING MY BUNKER BUILT.  AND WHEN THE DUST SETTLES, I WILL CROSS THE THRESHOLD AND ENTER A BRAND NEW AMERICA WITH THE GREATEST LIVING PRESIDENT OF ALL, DONALD TRUMP.  COME TO THINK OF IT, HE MAY BE THE ONLY PRESIDENT ‘LIVING'.  THAT WOULD SAVE A LOT IN TREASURY AGENTS SALARIES, WOULDN’T IT?

          I am beginning to think you’re as mad as the president and the rest of his entourage.

          WELL, I MUST BE GOING.  I HAVE TO CONSULT WITH THE CONSTRUCTION CREW AND SEE IF THEY GOT THE WINE CELLARS, IN MY BUNKER, SET IN PROPERLY TO AVOID THE RADIATION.

         What about Hillary? What will happen to her?

          WELL, IT CERTAINLY MAKE THIS CLICHÉ: “NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED”, INTO AN AXIOM, DON’T YOU THINK?

         Thank you, Senator Bushton, for your time.  And since I cannot afford a bunker, due to my pay grade, I sincerely hope to see you at the president-elect’s first state of the union address at the capitol…that is, if I’m still alive.  Thank you again.

         THE PLEASURE WAS ALL MINE.

 

 

 

 



How to lose 50 pounds in less than a year

 

 

                                              How to lose 50 pounds in less than a year

         

         Yea, I know you’ve heard that old saw before, but give me a moment and I will personally guarantee you…let me repeat that…guarantee you, that by following my method as prescribed on this short essay, you will lose 50 pounds in less than a calendar year.  And to top it off, it will cost you nothing except perhaps a little of your time and the availability of one item.  Absolutely.  I’m doing this because I am so tired of all these diet programs, diets pills and, yes, even Weight Watchers, that promises weight loss, and the only weight loss you experienced is in the vicinity of your wallet.   Aren’t you tired of it too? 

      Especially when you go to the supermarket and see all those trashy publications, each and every one definitely containing an article featuring the latest diet program promising you weight loss with no effort on your part.  And, ironically, that same supermarket will sell you more of the stuff to put it all back on. 

      Yes, it is in their interest that you go on a diet.  I can see them now, high fiving while they sell you those apple turnovers loaded with lard…but you deserve it, right?  You’ve been on a diet for a week and you need the strength of turnovers and thickly buttered corn to give you the strength to continue with your diet.

 

          Being very fat in my youth and still living with that image, I’ve given sixty years of thought and observations on this subject of weight loss and the problem of truth avoidance.  I have observed which diets worked and which hadn’t.  Well, I hate to disappoint you, but none that I have observed worked.  Many lose weight, true, but they pack it back on months after reaching their goal.   It’s no wonder that food manufactures are happy you’re on a diet.  So are publishers of diet magazines, diet supplements, diet organization that sell you their special diet foods, I could go on and on.       

  

     Even Dr. Oz have his daily core message based on some form of dieting and using the trendiest edible ingredients, ingredients grown only in the far reaches of the Arctic Circle or deep, deep in the hot, humid jungles of Central Africa, ingredients not listed in Webster’s Dictionary and very hard to pronounce, let alone spell.       

         Dieting is a trillion dollar business, and not just here in the USA, but in many parts of the Far East, Europe and South America.  There is a powerful conspiracy to keep the thought of dieting forever in your forehead.  I think I am taking my life in my hands when I reveal my method on how to lose 50 pounds in less than a year…and more important…how to keep it off!  When these powerful food corporations find out what I am trying to do, my life wouldn’t be worth a plugged nickel… (will, not exactly, I’ve purchased quite a bit of life insurance, so if they do kill me, I’ll be a rich man).  In fact, if you read this, your life may well be in danger…so beware. 

 

        I have broken down this information on how to lose 50 pounds in less than a year into an easily understood method that you can follow….but before that happens, we have to ask yourselves three questions:

                          Number one: why do you want to lose weight?

                          Number two: Is it wrong to be fat?

                          Number three: If your answer to number two is no, then should we go back to question number one?                                  

          You would think that question number one would be obvious.  Doesn’t everyone, who can stand to lose a few pounds, want to lose weight?  The answer is: not really.  In fact, we in these United States, are the only ones obsess with weight loss.  Other cultures think that being fat is a sign of great prosperity.  It is good to be fat somewhere else.  So if you’re fat, move, you’re certainly not a loser in those countries.  Some foreign cultures have been known to be infected with the North American slim-is-trim, fat-is-fat belief that eating less is a good thing, but we do live in North American where being fat means you are condemned to shop at Wal-Marts and eat at Burger Kings.  There you will definitely not be noticed.   

         Then there is the problem of constantly buying clothes to fit.  You know, of course (it’s so obvious) that the clothing industry is controlled by Unilever, the maker of high caloric foods that put inches around your waist.  By making you gain weight with mayonnaise and Ben and Jerri’s, then losing it with diet programs, you would constantly be buying clothes to fit your guilt racked body.  One size will stretch to be too large, one size will shrink to be too small when neither has taken place.  It's you that have been see-sawing in size.

         What about not being able to walk several miles because you’re heavy, and have foot problems thereby shortening your life?  You’d be huffing and puffing at the least bit of exertion, and do you know that that sort of breathing is annoying to others.  Being heavy will most likely also cause you gout and prevent you from ever having beer.  And what kind of life is it without beer? 

          So…you want to lose weight and stay at that weight, then you can buy the same size clothing and not have to change every few months.  You want to lose weight so you can shop at Target (with a better class of people) and eat at Subways (with still a better class of people).  You want to lose weight so you can be free as the wind and run a mile without annoying others and drink beer.  I think those are very good reasons to shed some pounds.

 

Well now…..shall we begin?

 

          The first thing you have to do is strip off all your clothing and take a good look at your naked self in front of a full length mirror.  It might dawn upon you why they invented clothes.  Now, ask yourself, “Can I afford to lose 50 pounds?”  You know, some of you can’t without risking health problems.  After all, fat does give you a cushion.  And if you did lose 50 pounds, will your kids, your friends, your enemies, still recognize you?  Of course, if you owe them money, it would be a good thing. 

         But if you don’t owe them anything, lost of weight on your part will deprive all of them those conversations centering around your recent weight gain.  When they get together, they will have nothing to talk about because they were so use to talking about your “problem”…gleefully, I might add.  Because when they talk about your “problem” they won’t be centering on their problems.  It’s a mental health issue.

         But what the hell, we are talking about weight loss, and how happy we will be losing all that extra baggage.  We will not be concerned about other people’s happiness, just ours.  We will be selfish and lose those few extra pounds. 
       
         Before I go any further, people who have been reading my essays stated that they were much too long.  They said that after a thousand or so words they would fall asleep.  They have become so accustom to accepting sound bites that... anything over five hundred words would be a bit much.  I see that I’ve gone over a thousand so I will quickly sum up.  To lose 50 pounds and keep it off…

 

do you happen to have any tape lying around?

 

 

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Why Trump Should Be President

 

 

 Why Trump should be President

(An interview with Sen. Wm. Bushington)

      We are now in the rotunda of the capital building waiting to interview Senator William F. Bushington who had announced earlier that he has dropped out of the presidential race and have endorsed Donald Trump for the presidency of these United States.  And here he comes now from his office.....

      Senator, senator… earlier you stated that you’ve quit the race and have endorsed Trump for president.  Can you elaborate on that?

      Certainly, certainly.   In this crucial time, in the history of our country,  Mr. Trump is a far, far better choice for this high office than any other man....or woman for that matter.

        Many would disagree with you; even those in his own party.

       They’re gutless.  Those who oppose the nomination of  Donald Trump are a bunch of gutless whimps, afraid of their own shadows.

       May I ask why you are dropping out of the race?

       I’m dropping out of the presidential race is because I don’t have Trump’s amazing energy and courage to lead this country into previous unchartered and dangerous territories.

       I thought you were dropping out because you couldn’t raise more than several hundred dollars for your election campaign, and that there is pending charges against you, by the attorney general, for possible tax evasion.

        Political smears spread out by my many political enemies, typical in an election year.  My tax records have always been transparent, and as for my lack of funds, it was embezzled by a financial manager whom I had trusted and thought was very close.  Instead, he betrayed my trust.

 

       He was your brother.

 

      Say, do you want this interview or don’t you?

       I apologize, senator.  I didn’t mean to bring family into this.  Allow me to retract and continue with your reasons for the support of Mr. Trump, whom you referred to earlier, when you were still in the race, as “a potato head with a red toupee”.

       Did I say that? 

 

       He called you the biggest crook in the history of the senate…and that you were only a tinsy-bit less crooked than Hillary.

       Did he?  I don’t recall.

       You later made a statement that Trump would make a strong president because (your quote) “he would lead this country out of the malaise caused by Obama’s lack of will to stand up to our enemies.”  Could you expand on that?

       Glad to.  Middle East People with Isis terrorist in their midst are causing long lines in our airports and immigration centers, and Obama hasn’t a clue on how to a handle this solution.  Putin, with just a tenth of our military might, is running circles around us, while Iraq is draining us dry with corruption.  The Arabs snubbed the office of the President of these United States, and what does Obama do?  Smile and shook hands with a minion sent by the Saudi King, thus, showing the world how easy it is to humiliate us.  Trump would’ve gotten back into his jet and given the Saudis the finger.  Chinese unfair trade practices causing massive unemployment with our underclass, and we treat those orientals with kid gloves, and there’s our massive national debt that no one seems to be paying attention to… except our next president, Donald Trump. 

       And you believe Mr. Trump has the answer to these problems? 

       I have personally talked to Mr. Trump and he and I have had long discussions, so let me assure the country that he has solutions, common sense solutions that the elitist’s left-wingers are too much head-in-the clouds to use.   Mr. Trump is a business man.  He can cut through these intractable problems, this maze of civil service mentality, of indifference and slough and get the job done. 

       My readers would be truly excited to hear the exact details of Mr. Trump’s solutions to these “intractable problems.”  And if you don’t mind, let me be the devil’s advocate for my readers. 

        I have no objections.  The truth needs no defense. 

       I’m sure we can do without the platitudes.  Let me start with the first “intractable problem: the National Debt.

       Simple.  Print more money.  That, in turn, will cause major inflation.  Then we pay off all our debts to bond holders, mostly foreigners (especially Chinese bankers and investors) with inflated dollars.  Boy, will they be angry.

       But wouldn’t that ruin our own economy?  People will have their savings wiped out, people will need a wheelbarrow of paper money just to buy a loaf of bread. 

       I didn’t say it would be easy.  Besides, too many have too much cash in banks anyway.  This will make them start with a clean slate..…unless, of course, those cowards who bought gold instead of sticking with paper.  Those, we imprison and confiscate the gold for the good of the state. This monetary policy will toughen up the American People.   And every man, woman and child will finally know what it means to be equal.

       Equally poor, you mean.  It will be disastrous for the nation and cause major unemployment for the young people just entering the labor market.

       No, it will channel America’s youth to do service for our country when they wouldn’t have done otherwise.  Too many of our youths are becoming effete.  When they want to reach the top of a mountain, instead of looking for a path, they look for an escalator

       You mean by forcing them to join the arm forces for lack of other employment options, they will toughen up?  Sounds like what happened in Nazi Germany

 

       We will have the mightiest military force in the world.  And all volunteers.

       Senator, in all due respects, Trump’s propose fiscal policy has an Alice in Wonderland quality about it.  Do you really believe…I guess you do.  Now, what does Trump intend to do about National Security, especially those long lines in airports, and what is his solution for the immigration problem?

       You mean with Isis terrorist in their midst of travelers?  For starters, Middle Eastern People’s (MEP's) don’t look like us.  In the airports,  we just single out those MEP’s for baggage checks and further examinations.  Why bother old couples, all classes of whites or other minorities with their families when you know they are not terrorist?  See those long lines?  They are there simply because of “Political Correctness”.  Just stop the ones that look like MEP’s and long lines will varnish.   And, I’m sure the majority of MEP’s will not mind since they know they are not terrorist and are willing to cooperate. 

       As for immigration, Trump will close the borders.  He will shut the ports, monitor the airlines, and build a great wall bordering Mexico.  It will not only protect the jobs of those Mexicans that are already here, but provide even more jobs.  Many Hispanics have contacted Mr. Trump…secretly of course… that they are wholeheartedly in agreement to building that wall.  And speaking of Mr. Trump, let me say that he is not a racist.  The building of that wall will all be done by minorities: same as the staffing of his many hotels and businesses, all labor done by minorities.  And we won’t be bothered by unions or the expenses of unjustified high salaries and benefits for an ordinary, common laborer.   Also, I'm told, that the wall will be named "TRUMP'S WALL".   It will be the EIGHTH WONDER of the modern world.

        Isn’t building such a wall a drain in our national resources…and please don’t suggest that Mexico will pay for it.

       Building that wall isn’t all that expensive, not with minority labor.  We just raise the sales tax 3% and it will more than pay for it.  Mr. Trump was just saying that Mexico will pay for it with a wink-wink.  He was just joking and yanking President Nieto's chain a bit, that’s all. 

         You mean like what Adolf Hitler said to the Reichstag on April the 28, 1939 where he satirically made remarks concerning President Roosevelt’s plead for him not to invade a list of countries?

        Yea, something like that. 

       What about the imbalance of trade with China and the Trans Pacific Partner ship that Trump is totally against? 

       I thought we solve that imbalance of trade.  Didn’t I just mention the printing of more money?  As for the TPP treaty, it will utterly destroy jobs here in America and create jobs in the Far East.  Trump is totally against that. 

       But wouldn’t that force our Far Eastern Allies into the Chinese camp and build a whole lot of resentment toward us for restricting trade?  If my memory serves me, isn't that the very same reason Japan went to war with us in 1941?  Was anything gained by that war other than the atom bomb?

       Listen, American people want jobs.  They need jobs.  It keeps them busy so they don’t have to think.  People, on the whole, don’t like to think.  It’s such a bother.  Donald Trump is the only man capable and willing to sacrifice himself to think for them.  That is a heavy load, a burden that only a rare few can carry.  If it comes to war with the Far East, then so be it.  It will toughen us up if nothing else.  We need to burn forests now and then so that they will be room for new growth.  War is a cleansing thing.  It will certainly get rid of the weak.  And we, as a nation, will be stronger for it.

       Millions will die.

      We’re all terminal.  If not now, then later.  Better to die for a cause. 

       And you are saying this with a straight face?  Never mind....My finale question. What about his stand on the issue of guns?

       Now, I’m going to reveal something he told me in the strictest of confidence.  I know he wouldn’t mind me confiding with you this great revelation since we are so close to election time.  It’s just too good to keep under wraps.

       And what is this great revelation?

      To counter Bernie Sanders' proposal of issuing out free college educations, which I personally feel a non starter, Trump is proposing the issuing of........ free guns.

 

       What?  Free guns?  Guns for everybody?

       Not for everybody.  Just those who thinks they need one.  Of course, people with a mental condition or minorities with attitude will have to pass a panel made up of NRA members.  We can’t have crazies or race agitators running around shooting at random.  Guns will be issued free of charge, based on those who want to defend themselves, without regard to race, religion or class.  If that isn't the epitome of equality, I don't know what is.   Isn’t that fantastic?  For once, everyone in these United States will feel  free and safe again, walking down mean streets and even in dark alleys loaded for bear.  What do you think? 

       I want to thank you, senator Bushington, for this really insightful interview.  I’m sure our readers have a much clearer picture of your candidate, Donald Trump.  As Alexis de Tocqueville once said...the people get the government it deserves.  Tell me, are you planning to run for another term in the Senate?

        It’s a living.

 

 

 

 

        

 

         

 

 

 

           

 

 

 

 

 

        

         

 

        

        

 

         

 

         

 

 

        

 

         

 

       

 

        

 

         

 

        

 

 

                                  

 

Soul Food





                                                    Soul Food

 

         The middle-aged artist approached the old monk sitting cross-legged in the center of a vast frozen plateau somewhere in the middle of Tibet.  Behind him was a long line of other artists waiting to confer with the old monk.  The middle-aged artist stopped and pulled from his knapsack a small painting and a display easel which he promptly set before the monk.  Cowled in black sheep skin, the monk was proclaimed to be the ultimate authority in the Real Meaning of Muddies by those who should know better, which incidentally qualified the monk to be an art critic of the first order.  Slowly, the old monk looked up and examined the middle-aged artist and, with a wave of the hand, beckoned the artist to come forward and proceed with his case.

          “Oh monk of the Real Meaning,” cried the artist as he stamped his feet and blew on his hands to keep warm.  “I started painting and creating art since the price of coffee was a nickel, which is to say, a very long time.  But I was always endeavoring to create my one masterpiece, and after many decades of trial and error, I think that what I am presenting before you is that one.  Could you look at it and say this is so, and if not, why not?  Tell me, so I may learn and take heart in my continual quest for perfection.”

           “You have come to the right woman, my son,” said the monk.

          “Woman?” said the artist, startled.  “I presume you were a man.  Sorry, no offense but aren’t monks supposed to be men?”

           “I am deeply offended.  Is my advice worth less because I’m a woman?” asked the monk.  “I’m also Dutch, and I bet you a dollar that you thought I was Tibetan, didn’t you?  Come on, admit it.  Remember, one of the greatest virtues of Art is Truth.”

           “Oh, all right.  Here’s your dollar,” pouted the artist.

           “I will now hum my mantra for at least five minutes, for you have really, really upset me,” claimed the monk.

          She began to hum in earnest while the artist looked at his watch.  Finishing with the national anthem of Holland, the monk said softly, “Will this be cash or charge?”

           “I have to pay for this?” said the artist with eyebrows raised.  “Hey, I thought these critiques were on a quasi-religious level, way above the crassness of money or profit.”

           “Nothing, of any worth, is free, my son, as you should well know by now.  Everything has a price, including advice.  If it is given freely, it will be worthless, especially if it's free advice.  Now, let me repeat myself, will this be cash or charge?” as she laid out the credit card imprint machine on the white snow.

           Will a Visa card do?” sighed the artist as he fumbled for his wallet with his frozen fingers.  He began flapping his arms to keep warm as she slid the credit card through a slot in the machine. 

          The monk nodded and began to focus intently at the artist’s painting.  It was a still-life of an eclectic bowl of fruits.  “To begin with, your apples are perfectly drawn and painted with the right textures, but it is of little consequences.  Your selection of colors for your red bananas are perfect and all in the right places, but that matters little."  Again, she pauses, then continues.  "Your foreground of green cherries harmonized with your background of wall paper designs…a most difficult thing to accomplish, but that too is also insignificant.   …..As for it being a masterpiece, well, what can I say, except (Yawn) that the painting definitely meets all the requirements of a good painting, and all the rules have been met, indeed, even exceeded.

           “I can surmise by your constant yawning that my painting is boring you,  Are you implying, by wordy nuances, that my painting is not a masterpiece...because I haven’t broken any rules?  Is that what you're suggesting?” asked the artist, incredulously.

          “Master artists do not break rules, they merely invent new ones.  And evidently you haven’t…but that still is of no matter,” answered the monk.

         “Well, damn it, what does matter?” cried the artist.

        “Let me put it this way, my son," said the monk, as she looked over his head, eyeing the long line behind him.  "Your precious painting is like a lovely, beautifully decorated living room…that nobody has ever lived in.  And that is what really matters.  Grasp that and you  may yet turn out a masterpiece.  Times up.  Who’s next?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                          

How to live to Ninety and Beyond

 

                                                 How to Live Past Ninety

 

        For starters, this program is for those who are susceptible to suggestions.  I have a program for those who are not, but not here.  We presume you are a person without infirmities and in average health, and are interested in living, not only to a very old age, but in such good health that you can golf, swim and play tennis without attracting attention.

          There is no secret to longevity and don’t let hucksters sell you on a bill of pills, diets and expensive treadmills.  All you need is common sense, the kind your folks used during the recession when living was so astringent and money so tight that the only way to survive was to sing and dance to show tunes while passing the hat.  My program is broken down to three simple parts.  Part one is your mental attitude toward life and how it affects your health.  The second will be on diets: not to lose weight, but to strengthen libidos, and the third part will be on physical exercises and its importance to your doing what you do and doing it with ease.  If you follow what I have outlined, I guarantee that you will live past the age of your parents and in excellent health too.  No, I am not selling anything harmful to make a profit, nor asking for anything in return….but feel free to donate.

                                                           Shall we begin?

 

                                                    MENTAL ATTITUDES

          To feel great and avoid death, you must have a sign on the space above your bedroom door. The letters should be large especially if you’re nearsighted.  It should be written on a piece of thin cardboard, or paper, or right on the wall itself.  It should be done with lots of colors so use colored felt tip pens.  Do not inhale while doing it.  And the sign will say, “YOU HAVE A CHOICE TODAY.  YOU CAN BE HAPPY OR SAD.  IT IS UP TO YOU.  Do not write it in cursive.  It’s hard to read cursive, especially yours.  If you don’t have space above your door, or your neck hurts when you look up, then tape the sign to your eye level, so you can see it without difficulty.  Make a point to look at it when you get up in the morning to face the mirror and brush your teeth.  Bad breath can ruin the best of plans.

          So you say just putting up a sign won’t make you happy.  You say being happy is easier said then done?  Why?  Are you maxed out on credit cards and loaded with debts?  Perhaps a near relative has died, or your grown children are still living with you? Or did your spouse run away with your best friend leaving a note saying that living with you was the pits?  So how can you possibly be happy? 

                               Look at it this way….Will being sad help? 

           No matter what the situation, you can smile and be happy because YOU made a decision to be happy… and it didn’t cost you a cent because the best activities in life are free, and being happy is one of them.  How do you stay happy under adversity?  I give you an example.  When people cut you off in traffic, don’t get angry.  Pretend it’s your son or daughter driving by and giving you the finger.  Knowing it’s your children, you would more likely chuckle and say, “That’s my boy (or girl)”.  Smile when debt collectors pound on your door.  You know they are only hired help and have a rotten job. Put on earphones and ignore them. When you are told that there is no bonus this year and you’re on the lay off list, it translates to mean freedom and opportunities for new adventures.  Life is a point of view.  I am sure you can think of other extremes, so I’ll stop.  You are in control.  You have a choice to make.  Today, you will be happy or sad...  And chances are, you will.

           The next thing you must do for a positive mental attitude is to avoid STRESS.  Stress will make you sick; it will shorten your life, it will make you constipated, it will cause you to lose hair and itch in a dozen places (although scratching an itch can sometimes rival orgasms…so I’m told).  Stress is most often caused by confronting bigger people (bullies, bosses, your children) or by fate (like cancer, poverty, loss of job).  Avoid confronting people that are threatening.  How do you do that?  By avoiding the problem.  By running away. By hiding.  Retreat is no disgrace when longevity is at stake.  Ask any coward (have you notice, a lot of them grow to real old age?)

          What about fate?  Say to yourself that you are already deceased.  Being dead you don’t exist.  Nothing is expected of you.  Behaving in such a manner, pretending you’re invisible, people will think you’re crazy and avoid you, thus, having one less obstacle to contend with.  Being dead, you will experience a cascade of epiphanies.  You will experience the tremendous relief knowing that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, you thought you own, you don’t.  It was all RENTED.  All the awards, the prizes, the possessions you’ve accumulated over the years to ease your insecurities was just a bunch of steaming cow poop.  In that present nebulous form, you will come to the conclusion that you can’t take it with you, no matter how hard you try.  That avarice, pride and silly ambition was just a colossal waste of time.  You will morph into a better, much happier person, and all because you got up in the morning and saw a crudely lettered sign saying that cow poop might not be worth the bother. 

                                                                      DIETING

             There are some people I call “the terrible skinnies” because they can eat anything and not gain an ounce yet have heart attacks.  There are others I call Wal-Marters because they resemble the majority of people that patronizes Wal-Marts, (curvy and overweight).  Regardless of their appearance, these people have lived long and happy lives. Weight Watchers, Nutria system, the Atkins diet, South Beach diet, High Fat and High Protein diet are largely unsuccessful.  Why?  Because their object was NOT to live longer or be healthier, but to lose weight (and to make as much money off of you as possible)!  If you are overweight and unsightly, it’s the observer’s problem, not yours.  They’re the ones being judgmental, and you know what the Bible says about those people.  You no longer care what they think.  You are only interested in being happy, in being healthy, and living a long, long life, and you can do this by being narcissistic and seeing that all items entering your stomach will exit in the shortest time possible, which means eating a lot of fiber with…. 

          ….the most important item: water.  Eat lots of water.  It could be in the form of diet sodas, tea, beer, coffee, wine, milk, butter milk, or just plane tap.  They all contain water.  You may add packets of artificial sweeteners but stay away from sugar.  Drink, especially when you’re not thirsty.  Drink a full glass of liquid before you eat anything. Water will lubricate your joints and cleanse your entire system, and if you saw the inside of your intestines, you will agree, it definitely needs cleaning.  Nobody likes to be constipated…. except camels (they can hold it forever).

          Carrots: cooked or raw adds color to your plate. And you need color in your drab life.  Cook a whole bunch and keep it handy in the fridge for snacking.  You can never eat too much carrots…unless your skin begins to turn a bit yellow, then I would suggest you stop…for a while, anyway.  Ginger: put a quarter size in everything you eat.  Pound it with a hummer to soften it, then throw it in anything you’re cooking.  Eat it raw or dipped in artificial sweeteners.  Enough of it will do wonders for your skin, open your blood arteries, and cause your ears to ring. Ginger is the spice of life.  You are aware that they make beer and ale out of it? 

          Now, I know that most of you hate broccoli.  It takes a lot of preparation, but it is fine if you drink a lot of wine with it.  Take a bite, take a sip, and like Pavlov’s dogs, condition yourself into loving it . When you’re peeling the tough outer skin of the broccoli, pretend it’s somebody you hate and you’re slowly skinning it alive.  Hear the screams.  Peeling your victim would be revenge served cold.  Chop the broccoli in sections, put it in a casserole dish with a spoonful of water and a slice of ginger, and microwave it for three minutes and hear it scream some more.  See, no trouble at all.

          And the most important food you must have?  SOUP!  Soup is amazing, it’s so versatile. You can throw all kinds of vegetables and fruits into it (even bananas) and it will taste delicious. I mean, who doesn’t like soup?   And it is only good if it contains BEANS.  Lots of beans.  Any kind of beans.  Use a large crock pot.  Fill it with nine cups of water.  Throw in 2 cups of dried beans (any kind) that has been soaked.  Add 8 ounces of deboned chicken cut into small cubes.  Peel and slice eight medium size carrots, add an ounce of white dried fungus, throw it one whole slice onion, any left-over veggies, and turn the crock pot on high for eight hours.  Salt to taste.  When it’s cool down, add some MSG, ladle the soup into pint size plastic containers and shove them into the freezer.  Have hot soup at lunch, every day preferably with a glass of red beer and garlic French bread and Life will be good.

          There are other fine edibles that you can throw into the soup pot and is good for your health, or not, but too numerous to mention here so I won’t. 

 

                                                      PHYSICAL EXCERCISE

          You sit there, alone in your easy chair watching Netflex, or Hulu, or Acorn, or whatever.  You feel guilty because you’re munching on popcorn loaded with butter or crunching on that candy bar or chomping on a fried drumstick.  You sit there brooding because you have flabby underarms and you look like a pear.  You feel your life slipping away while you stare mesmerized at the neon tube.  You would like to be playing tennis or go swimming or do a round of golf, but you don’t, and I don’t blame you.  It is difficult leaving that cozy sofa and that very safe living room.  What to do?  How can you get off that snuggly sofa and bowl of popcorn.  You know you WILL die early at this rate……if things don’t drastically change. 

  
         Fortunately you are reading this blog and it has a simple solution.  No expensive equipment, no fitness club dues, no plunging into ice cold waters for a swim, no heavy lifting, no jogging, no….All you have to do is make a box at least eight inches high that will hold your weight.  Put it in front of the TV.  During commercials, step up and down on it.  Do it 150 times and you would have move your body weight up ten floors.  The fatter you are, the more weight you will be moving.  You will be huffing and puffing and in seventh heaven before you know it.  And when you’re finished, just shove the box under a chair or use it for a coffee table.  See how simple it all is?  Just that simple box will make you healthier and add decades, and I mean decades, to your life without moving away from your 55” Samsung or your cozy living room so near the kitchen. 

          And there you have it.  My entire program on how to live a long and healthy life.  Isn’t it simple?  And it didn’t cost you a dime...(although feel free to donate)

            To sum up…just do it.

                                                                                      Thank you.