The Secret Russian-China Proposal

                         The Secret Russian-China Proposal

         On September the 6^th, 2017, U.S. Counter-Intelligence intercepted a phone message between Sergey Lavrov, Russia’s foreign minister, and Wang Yi, foreign minister to the People’s Republic of China.  Wikileaks leaked it to the general public and the following was what corresponded between the two.  Both parties were fluent in English and that was the language used.  Since there are no tenses in Mandarin, Mister Wang Yi spoke English only in the present tense.

Wang Yi:  Good morning, your Excellency.  I hope I do not wake you.  It is what, 5 a.m. there in Moscow?  I know it is early but I can not wait.  I just confer with my boss (Xi Ping) and he wants to get your boss’s (Putin) opinion on this matter.

Sergey Lavrov:  (Sputtering) Damn it, what could be so important at this hour of the morning?  …Is your North Korean friends shooting missiles at the U.S again?..  Please, don’t tell me it hit somebody.  The shock will be too much for my heart.  It’s too early in the morning to start a war. 

WY:  No, no, no war.  What has happen is my boss summon me this morning.  He is in conference last night with the Standing Committee and make a decision and like to present it to your boss.  This proposition is earth shaking, I fool you not, and I know Mr. Putin want to act on this immediately. 

SL:  Please, Mr. Yi.  If this is not an emergency, I would like to brush my teeth and do my ablutions.  I will call you back in an hour after I’m dressed and have had my breakfast.

                                                       

                                            (3 HOURS GO BY)

WY: You say you call back in an hour!  Please do not keep us waiting, Lavrov.  It do not make for an auspicious beginning for negotiations.

SL:  I apologize for being late.  My dacha is on the outskirts of Moscow and when I got to the Kremlin, it was difficult getting an audience with Mr. Putin because he was in the middle of a photo session.  His bodyguards would not let me get near him.  In order to interrupt him, I would have to say that war has been declared somewhere and missiles have been launched.

WY:  What kind of photo session of Mr. Putin is more important than government business of the highest import?

SL:  He will not discuss business when he is in his white cotton Judogi and wearing his silk black belt, posing with world class female Judoka practitioners.  You know how important his image is to him.  Think Trump and perhaps you would understand.

WY:  Ah…My boss is quite the opposite.  He is against any photos of himself, but the paparazzi here is the worst.  Since he becomes the boss, he wears this stupid grin all the time in case some paparazzi take a snap shot of him.  He learns from Stalin and Mao that you cannot afford to frown when there is chance people sees you, so he smiles…a lot.  He is tire of wearing this frozen smile.  Problems arise when he is at home because sometimes he is very angry but he forgets he is smiling, so his family do not know how to treat him.  He is becoming very much like Trump: hard to read.   It is very sad, but I do understand your predicament

SL:  Thank you for understanding.  I am now connecting Mr. Putin, so whatever you say he will also hear and can inject at any time.  Are you ready?  Fine.  I will connect him so be aware he is listening.  Now, what is this proposal that is so earth shaking?

WY:  First, let me wish your president a good morning.  Good Morning, President Putin.  Sergey informs me that you are listening.  My boss, Mr. Xi sends his regards and hope you are in good health.  Allow me to say that we hold no animosity to the troubles that takes place in bygone years on our mutual borders.  We wish nothing but peace and prosperity to both our countries.  That being say, my boss wants to present this proposal that is a benefit to both of us.

(The voice of Putin is heard)  Putin:  Enough of the small talk, what is this proposal?

WY:  Err…Again, good morning, Mr. Putin.  Let me begin by saying that President Xi, is aware of your feints toward your western borders. We know that that is all it is, feints.   We are also aware that you are casting your eyes to countries that will insure your safety in the future.  You, no doubt, know that we are doing the same.  So here is what we propose… that we set specific parameters to our sphere of influence so that we do not accidently step on each other’s feet and cause unprofitable conflicts, now or in the future.  We propose that all of South America be in Russia’s sphere of influence and that the continent of Africa be in China’s sphere of influence. We already have our agents in parts of Africa to sow discontent and to anger the populace against any politician that is not on our payroll.  We are also able to hack their elections.  We will organize the different factions in Africa and it is known as Sino-Africa Treaty Organization or S.A.T.O. for short. 

SL:  And what will the acronym of Russia’s sphere of influence in South American be?

WY:  We thought S.A.T.O,, for South American Treaty Organization will be perfect!

Putin:  But where is Russia’s name in that acronym, and aren’t those initials, S.A.T.O., the same as your organization?

WY:  Why, why…you are absolutely correct, your Excellency.  A thousand pardons.  We do not catch that flaw.  But when you think of it, it is not a flaw.  Look at the beauty of it.  Just think, your SATO unite with our SATO, to become as one…We call it Slavic-Asiatic Treaty Organization or SATO.  How is that sound, sounds clever, huh?  And together we are truly invincible.  Your country dominating South America while we, in Africa, uniting the warring factions under one banner.   Why, together NATO becomes shit and we the toilet paper. 

SL: Did you hear that Mr. President?  I think it is a fantastic proposition and should be brought up to the State Duma for further discussions and to iron out the details.

Putin:  I think it is cow dung. 

SL:  I think so too. 

WY: (a long pause)………Well, if the acronym bothers you because it do not have Russia in it, I am authorize to change it.  How about Russia-America Treaty Organization?  Will that satisfy?

SL: That would be…RATO?

WY:  We can drop the “O” if you want.

         Transmission ceased at this point when the Russian Foreign Minister, Sergey Lavrov hung up the phone.